Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Dear EX....

Dear Ex,

        You are worthless and not deserving the title daddy or father. You are just the the guy who gave me my wonderful Son. Little man asks for you and it breaks my heart cause he doesn't understand you will never see him again, because your are self center and a child.  You can't even call him cause I hurt your feelings, Really are you 12 years old and can't be a Fucking Man. Oh wait you will Never Be a Man after what you did to me. MY son will not turn out Like you. He will strong, good to women, outgoing, gentle, and sweet. Everything your not. I see i am the right choice moving back to Arizona, I have great male friends That will be better role models then you are. I can teach him anything a dad can. And If I have no clue I have many friends and family to call on for help. It kills me to see you do this to a Third kid, but I know in the end you are not meant to be a father.

           As for me, I have scars and tender spots that may never heal completely. The scar on my forehead is the one that brings the memories back so easily. Of all the nights I thought "this is it, I may not see morning or my son again." All the nights of taking a beating by your fist, whipped by Apex Pipe to the point I was going to pass out, Hitting me with anything you could find, and Last Hitting me and hold me at gun point. Secretly that night you held the gun to me then to your self wish you had pulled the trigger you had it on yourself, then you would be out of our lives, it would be easier to deal with little man asking for you. I regret Not having you tossed in jail for what you did to me. But for all the stupid decision I made the right one the day I ran out the back door fearing for my life and having the cops there when I came to get little man. When I found out you had broke 2 of my ribs it sealed all my choice and decisions for me, that it was time to leave Casper and not look back. People ask me how I did not know you broke 2 of my ribs, it was easy when the fight or flight is always on you just become numb.

         Out of all the People who have hurt me in my life I Truly Hate you, others I have forgiven and moved on, but you I will always hate. Not just cause of the hurt and pain I have been though but the pain hurt your son will have to deal with growing up. But I am already thinking a head about that and when I find a guy worth being in my life he will be worth being in little mans life and be the father and Daddy you will never be to him. I am dealing with this well Being open and Honest with what happen has helped me heal, maybe you should try that sometime it really helps. I wish you would never pop in my thoughts and i know over time that will happen but for now, I just deal with them and tell my self I am a Better person with out you and always will be!!!

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I wish that you had come to some people that you may have not thought were on your side. I would have come to your rescue and helped you however you needed. I am sad that we have lost your little man as well as you, we love both of you and thought you knew that.