Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The Last Year

Wow other year has past. SO many Lessons learned both the hard and easy way. A lot people Left and I have made a few new friends.

I am so grateful for all the help I have been given this year from so many people. If it hasn't been for the VA helping us get a place to live, I could not image where Little man I would be right now. I am not saying the Last year has been easy far from it, But I am grateful for everything I have had help to get and have gotten on my own.

I have learned to enjoy being by myself and doing things on my own, not having to wait on people or try to make everyone else I am hanging out with happy. The only other person who i worry about making happy on a daily bases in Little Man, and he always is happy. When he is not here I do my best to get out of the house and do something, most of the time it just taking in a movie by myself. A friend at work always ask me if I Am going alone and i tell yes cause at least i can enjoy the movie in Peace.

Both our Birthday parties where failures in the sense I planned huge parties and no one came, But still good cause people we loved came to be with us. Next year small group get together with people who care about us.

I really love my family with helping out with Little man when i need a break or had no sitter ( which happens a lot). I can never thank them enough for what they have done for me. Also to be there and listen to me gripe and give me pointers when i need them. Just goes to Show no matter how old you are you still need your parents wisdom when you can see the answer your self.

I have so many hrs in the last thinking about my life and where i have been. I have put a lot of my past to bed and moved on it from it. I am not going to win awards for anything I do in my life I Am not prefect but I do try to live my life the best i can and make as many great wonderful memories with little man.

He too has come a long way this year in his speech and only in sleep does he stop talking. He loves Batman and super heroes. He loves being with Mommy and helping me when he can. He loves his grandparents, aunts and uncle. MY boy has such a big heart and it kills me to see him so sad when he talks about his " daddy". He just wants a man to love him as much I do.

I know One day a guy will walk into our lives and Love us more then we will ever know, but till then I will keep doing both rolls as mommy and daddy and enjoying every little spare min I can get with him, even if falles a sleep on me getting dinner LOL.

Well for the New year I Am going to find a job that is not in the Retail world LOL, get my butt out and make new friends, Little man will start preschool, I will get back in the gym, and keep making memories and enjoying my time with Little man.

Monday, July 30, 2012

The Past Year

Well the past year has not been easy by any means, but I have been making it though. I have had a lot of rough times and a lot of good times. I have had people walk out of my life and I have made new friends.

I have made a ton of mistakes but learned a lot too. I see how blessed I Am even though I am are struggling. I have a crazy 3year old who loves me like crazy and fur baby who loves me too. Yes things could be better but I am happy and that is all that really matters.

I have a Job it is not the best job in the world but in these rough times it is a job and one I just got Promoted at. I have started my own business and working to get more customers, and I won't give up.

I have said it before and I will say it again, Thank You to all who have stood by me though my crazy mood swings and crying like there is no tomorrow,  who have helped in watching My little man so I can work and do the right thing, Who love me for ME, and not turning and walk away when it so easy to.

To those who have given up on me, You have no clue what your missing.

Here is to the Next year and the Adventures it will bring!!!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

The past year

    Over the past year little man's and my worlds have been shaken up a lot, But now it seems to be settling out even in the face of moving again. 

   In the Last year Little man's personality has really bloomed. My little social bug enjoys being around people and making new friends. He loves going to the zoo, running around at the park, driving me crazy, helping me clean the house ( and making it a mess).  He as gotten to spend lots of time with My family here in AZ and he loves them all. I can see my brother in him when My brother was this age (lord help me).  I can't believe how well he speaks and amazed at how he sees the world. He makes me so proud and I love him to death. He is growing to be a great little man and I hope to keep helping guide him to stay that way.

Now as for me, I am still working on me but have learned a lot about my self  and the people I can truly count on. I still have ups and downs but not has bad as before I went to the VA and let them help me. I am finally getting help I need between meds and Soon PTSD treatments. If it wasn't for the VA helping us get into a transition housing who know where we would be right now. I have wonderful Family and friends cheering me on. Yes things have not gone as plan but I still have my goal of a Fed job one day and so i will keep working to that goal. 

I have days where i hate being alone and by myself with no other adults to talk to but I am getting use to it. Yes I talk to much when i meet new people but It is out of nerves and i am trying to work on it.  But I Am a very strong, hard working, fun loving, love to learn and caring person. I have learned I don't need a guy to be happy, but would like to go on a date. I have become a sales person for Scentsy and trying to do my best at it to give us a better life. I can see a whole new future for us. A man may never be apart of our lives again but we are happy with it just being us. I am also just fine with him being my only child, for he was a blessing and true miracle for me. 

Thank you so much to all who have helped us over the last year it has not been easy but  I am grateful for you all =)

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Technically still homeless...... Read to Understand

Ok I know what your all thinking but you guys have a place to live right? Well here is the deal while Yes we have a place to live that is our own, then again it is not our own. We live in transitional housing that the VA pays to help give Homeless Vets a place to get back on their feet and be able to move out on their own. We can stay here for Up to two years. and in this time i have a lot a goal to try and reach personal, by saving, getting a better job, and school.

A little info on where we live, First little man and I are the youngest ones here and was the first family to move to this site. The Organization is call Esperanza En Escalante  they help give homeless vets these few places to live. they have two sites one by the air force base and the one I am at kind of in the middle of  the city.

There are other vets here and all male I am the first Female vet for this site too. All the rules are written Military style, we have curfews but can get passes to stay out over night. Every Thursday the case worker here come and checks to see if we are keeping our places clean. It does have a military over tone to it. But we are free to live our lives as long as we stay with in the rules which are nothing crazy. So it is nice.

The reason VA still looks at us as Homeless is cause we are not paying the rent on our own, The VA is. and for some of you, you know I had a hard time swallowing that is what I am a Homeless Vet, but i am thankful for finding a The VA homeless Worker that i found, he has helped get us in here, if it was for not going though   this path who know where little man and i would be right now.

So yes I am still Homeless in the Eyes of the VA, but we have a safe warm place to live till we get on our feet and completely on our own. =)

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

New Beinging

Ok so it has been a while since i wrote. Now Little man and me have our own place and loving it. He has been doing well sleeping in his room and helping around the house. He loves to help sweep and mop, he will most of the time put his plate away in the kitchen. He loves having his own space and me not yelling at him every few  mins cause he doesn't understand the rules.

   As for me I love having my own place is really nice. I have thing in places where i can find them, and i am not super stress all the time. Big part of it is i am not feeding off others energy. Minus the last few days of me being sick I have done a good job keeping my house picked up. Cause once again I don't have someone stealing my energy and motivation. for such a small apt it feel so big to me. I guess it would  going from living in a one bedroom house last year to bedrooms with little man, me and our stuff all in there. I have noticed i don't watch much tv. anymore Tuesday nights is about it, I need to get my NCIS fix.  Once little man goes to bed I turn on Pandora radio do homework or play dumb games while having a cup of tea before i go to bed.

I know we still have a long road head, but i feel good for the first time in a long time we are heading the right way. The way we ended up in our place was a blessing waiting to be made known. I have been making new friends and found a renewed love for VWs in the process. making me wanting to learn about them. I am learning it is ok to be by my self for as much as it sucks doing stuff on my own and enjoying me, something I have not done in a long time. I am loving my back ground of being German  and Irish. I have gone out with help from a friend got my tattoo I have been wanting for so long and enjoy showing it off and can't wait to get other someday. I feel free to be who i am and who i was ment to be. I  not changing for anyone, I stand by it if you can't love me for my crazy, sometime annoying self and my crazy son then you don't need to be in our lives. we have come a long way in a short time, with a ton of room to grow, explore, and enjoy life. <3